100 reasons I'm better than you

A catalogue of the 100 reasons that I'm better than the readers of this. Maybe I won't be better than each of you for every reason, but I'm sure there'll be at least one reason why I'm specifically better than YOU

02 February, 2010

27. I'm very, very sure of myself

Some people that you will encounter will prefix and suffix their remarks with words like 'like' and 'perhaps' and 'kind of' and 'maybe'.  I am not likeable.  I am not kind.  I suffer not from mishaps, carrying burlaps or saying perhaps.  And as far as I am concerned, 'maybe' is an insect that produces honey, found only during the fifth month of each year.

And what I'm saying is that it does not matter one whit to me what you might think of me, and therefore I don't need to defend myself in advance.  I have the luxury, or indeed the necessity, of being correct, and of being confident in this.  I have yet to find a person who could convince me of being erroneous, because, let's face it, there's very little I say where there could be any possibility of error.

Thus them demonstrates that I do not suffer from any of the crises of confidence that may beset a lesser mortal.  Because I'm quite sure of who and what I am.  This can be most clearly evinced by my decision to live for two years in Hong Kong and not feel the need to learn any more Cantonese than the instructions for my taxi driver to proceed straight on.  Because that's the kind of straightforward, no-nonsense person I am.

Let me reiterate.  Learning languages is for losers, for those people too scared to tell other people that they are wrong, obstinate or just plain pigheaded to not speak the same language as I do.  It's at best nothing more than a simple faux pas to not be able to express oneself clearly in English, and at worst it just shows weakness of character.


At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Because I'm quite sure "..

Not the phrase of the cocksure

At 11:41 PM, Blogger Mr Cushtie said...

How very kind of you to say so. As Merriam-Webster puts it, cocksure is "feeling perfect assurance sometimes on inadequate grounds", whereas it should be clear from my many and varied achievements that the grounds for my assurance are never inadequate.


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