9. TV Licensing Believe & Trust Me

Re reason 4. A lot of people will give you some long sob story about how TV Licensing are harassing them.
Let's face it, Capita couldn't harass their way out of a paper bag. Let's just consider how this works: It's not like they really have a huge army of detector vans driving the country, using confidential Cold War technology to spy on what channel you're watching. No, they have a huge army of bored office workers, printing out red-bordered letters to tell you it's your absolute final chance ever to buy a television license, before they come round and throw your sorry body in the gaol.
But it doesn't work like that. Oh no. You can sit in your house and throw those letters in the bin as long as you like, because nobody's actually going to show up. And even if they did, all you'd have to do is not let them in the house.
So TV Licensing is a bit of a paper tiger. And yet some of you duffers that don't have televisions like nothing more than to harp on about how TV Licensing keep sending you final demands for money, as though it's a terrible violation of their human rights. And you're stuck in a Kafkaesque nightmare, because how can you possibly prove you don't need a television license if you don't have a TV...
Except you must all be tinfoil-hat-wearing headcases, because what I did was:
1. Phoned up TV Licensing and told them I don't use a television to receive broadcasts

... and that was it. Step 1. Now if the rest of you can't meet with such success, that can only imply that I'm somehow a special individual, because TV Licensing believe and trust me, and they probably don't (or wouldn't) you.